Sugar’s Take

We are all humans that can succumb to the ugliest of behaviors. And Be Be Winans is no exception. What adds fuel to the alleged violent fire is the fact that he is a well known man of God.

I grew up listening to a lot of gospel: The Winans, Commissioned, Hezekiah Walker, Take 6, and them Blind Boys Of Alabama.  Partly because it was the only music my Jesus loving mother and sisters would let me play loud in the house, but really because it was plain ole good music. Run DMC and The Fat Boys were forbidden, though I played them anyway. These were the people myself and my family used as models for our lives. We not only admired their music but also their critical acclaim. So, learning of the violence between Be Be Winans and his ex-wife was really heart breaking. It’s like hearing your cool uncle that was known for slippin’ a 20 dollar bill in your shirt pocket is now strung out on crack or something.

Truthfully, I am more hurt than appalled because, to me, this is bigger than the wives of celebrity – it is the manifestation of frustration, pinned up aggression and animalistic responses to human problems. We all know it is wrong to hit a woman, to hit anybody (except for life and death situations) but we need to ask ourselves why this is happening. What is the root of the problem? That’s what I wanna know, so we can get to some healing.

If we’ve learned anything from the Chris Brown-Rihanna situation, it is important to not be judgmental of Mr. Winans. The situation is unfortunate and all we can do is pray for him, keep him in our thoughts and hope he gets some professional help or intervention…not come out with a duet or a book.

Ed’s Take

The predicament with brother Winans just may be one of the few positive by products of a tragedy with more cruel ironies than Shakespeare, Chris Brown and Rihanna’s relationship.  Hopefully, more women like sista Winans will have the courage to come out and report abuse.  To be fair, these ALLEGATIONS against Winans do seem out of step with his reputation as a world renowned man of God.  But, just because he totes a bible and flaunts his Sunday best does not mean he is beyond reproach.  We are all flawed, and Winans is susceptible to the same pressures, misdeeds, and frailties of any man of flesh and bone.

As for fame, it can give you an over inflated sense of self (aka the big head) and very dangerous sense of entitlement. However, these cases of domestic violence with Winans and Brown are less about fame and more about the uncomfortable silence surrounding the abuse of women who do not have famous men as predators.   Every few years we have high profile cases like Mike Tyson, OJ Simpson, Jim Brown, Eminem, James Brown, Phil Hartman, Vanilla Ice, etc that jar the issues of domestic violence to the public consciousness.  We frequently forget; however, in a world outside the “famous” headlines everyday women are catching hell all over the world.

Most importantly, men have to redefine manhood from the archaic, cave men visions perpetuated in the media.  We are taught to be tough and emotionally unavailable as vulnerability and true expressions of love are seen as weak or ultra feminine.  Also, women must seek support systems and safe spaces to discuss violence without fear of public outing, as misdirected and insensitive media did with Rihanna, or legal consequence.

I have friends and family members that have been on the receiving end of a man’s left hook.  And I know for sure, if we continue to ignore the cries of abused women the blood will forever be on our hands.

Sugar’s Take

Well, this is a very sticky situation in my book. I’m sure there is some kind of love there, but if those pictures are real (and I believe they are) it’s gonna take more than gifts and kisses to heal those wounds. I personally know women that stay with, or get back together with, men that are abusive and it VERY rarely ends up being a sound decision.

People learn mostly from repeated cause and effect behavior. So if Rihanna’s actions are telling Chris Brown that he can allegedly hit her, and she stays with him, there is nothing that tells him his behavior needs to change. In other words, Rihanna is telling Chris Brown, “Go head, slap me and I’ll keep loving you. I’ll still be here.” Side note, I wonder why everyone uses his whole name…or why I feel the need to.

On another note, I want to address something that is a bit more controversial. Women that think it’s okay to “see how far you can push your man” are not doing yourselves a good service. That is not healthy. If you feel like you need to make your man angry (sometimes to the point of violence) to get his attention then there needs to be some serious soul searching done to deal with that. You might end up with some pictures of your own. And I’m not talking about the ones with the wicker chair at the club.

To answer your question bluntly, they have both lost their minds. What they are doing is not sending a good message to any person in a similar situation. And I hope Puffy is hookin’ them up with some counseling to go with that house. Yeah, I said Puffy…I’m old enough. 

Ed’s Take

People pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it very simply; by the lives they lead.–James Baldwin

High profile abuse aint no new thing.  Back in the day, revered writer and cultural icon Pearl Cleage gave a the proverbial middle finger to a jazz god in Mad At Miles, a biting assessment of not only Miles Davis’ treatment of women, but also the deep psychological wounds of violence and it’s underappreciated effect on self esteem and personal agency.  Davis’ rocky marriage to respected actress Cicely Tyson–for much of 80′s– was typified by abuse and beat down.  Cleage’s work could serve as the perfect primer for Rihanna’s debilitating dilemmas.

While Brown and Rihanna play house with hopes of becoming the new school Ike & Tina, TMZ’s decision to post photos of the attack is the kind of decision that can get someone killed.  This case has larger implications than a tiff between superstars. The greatest disservice of posting the dooming photo was compromising the legal rights of domestic violence victims globally.  Why? Because of the millions of women who may have been silenced for fear of public ridicule, retaliation from abusers, and violations of privacy acts by overzealous media hounds.  What if the public scrutiny and media frenzy pushed Rihanna back in the arms of her ALLEGED attacker?   What if other women stay in abusive relationships because of media’s sick need to profit off of pain?  Often times, it’s not the face of an international superstar on the receiving end of blunt force trauma…it’s the mother, sista, or play cousin of everyday people.

Like many couples in denial, Chris Brown and Rihanna are accustomed to dysfunction. Violence, drama, and disrespect are so woven into the fabric of their bond turmoil has become normal functioning. To them, the absurd seems normal and the normal; absurd.  My heart is heavy. I cram to understand why the adults in their lives have not put them in check and restored some semblance of reality. Where is a good southern grandma cussin’ out when u need it?  Where are the counselors?  Where is the tough love? Where are the spiritual shout outs?

If Brown did indeed lay the smack down, his actions are reprehensible to the nth degree. And what did he learn, that if you prey on a  woman’s vulnerability, shower her with bling, garner public sympathy, and orchestrate media friendly damage control… you can get your mate back guilt free.

Sugar’s Take

My common sense tells me that something happened. Was it assault with a deadly weapon? I doubt it. That brother would’ve definitely been posting some serious bail. And he would’ve had more than bruises on his knuckles. This seems to be a classic case of extreme drama. I believe the only person who knows what happened is the person who called 911. Somebody needs to be interviewing them (if they haven’t already).

I’m a little bothered by some of the sudden reports on the turbulence of their relationship. If anything, I thought Rihanna would’ve been mad at Mr. Brown for getting his dance on with Ciara. The cameraperson zoomed in on Rihanna’s face with a purpose when that performance was going down. Since then, there have been numerous pictures of the cute couple shopping and hangin’ with family.

I hope nothing did happen cuz it really won’t be a good example fo’ da’ kids. Even though we all do, or have done things, that may not make for the best example. Right now, this situation is only bringing up more questions. Here are a few of mine:

Is this just to distract us from the young man that got shot by cops in the Bay Area?
Is Chris Brown really that crazy?
Did Chris Brown realize he was in public?
What did Rihanna say or do to make him so mad?
Was she being a pain in the neck as early as when they were getting dressed and he couldn’t take anymore?
Who in the world called 911?
Why is Rihanna not pressing charges?
Is the state gonna take the case?
Does Chris Brown have a good lawyer?

Ed’s Take

Sadly, it’s a wrap for Chris Brown. Even if the allegations prove to be false, the damage is done.  He has already lost endorsements (Wrigley’s Gum and the Got Milk? campaign) and is losing a heated battle in the court of public opinion.  There are old school rules. Hitting women, or the implication that you may have, puts you on the wrong side of the law.

We often underestimate the prevalence of domestic violence.  And I can tell you from my years of work in male development as a counselor– with organizations like Men Stopping Violence and Raleigh North Carloina’s Teen Fest–there can be Jekyll & Hyde tendencies in many closet abusers.  Now, I am not saying that Brother Brown is guilty.  But, just because he is smoother than a double mint twin in commercials, has a baby face, and makes safe pop tunes that women adore does not mean he is not capable of violence.  Remember, Miles Davis, a musical genius who I luv to death, made some of the smoothest tunes on earth.  But when he left the stage, his temper and abusive tendencies towards women were notorious.

Instead of rushing to judgment, we all should stop and reflect.  What is most fascinating, to me, is the role the entertainment industry, a haven for misogyny and unchecked seedy behavior, may have played in this real life drama.  Label reps, handlers, publicists, and entourages often act as enablers instead of challenging stars on questionable behavior for fear of losing their meal ticket.

Despite being mega super stars, Chris Brown and Rihanna are still young, impressionable, and highly susceptible to the same peer pressures of folks their age.  Maturing under crushing spotlights is sure to have an impact on your personal development.  The key is to be surrounded by individuals who can assist in navigating the turbulent road of success and extreme solitude of failure.

At best, we will discover that all the blogs, news reports, and speculations were much to do about nothing.  At worst, Brother Brown will become state property.  I worry less about their careers, and more about how they will heal emotionally. Spiritual shout outs are in order.