Black Thoughts, Black Feelings Black Judgements: Family Affair Tackles Black Identity/Self Love

By Edward M. Garnes, Jr

It resides in a southern Grandma’s hum, laughs heartedly at the corner barbershop, and dances a mean two step at rent parties. It may even heal like a Sunday morning good word. Black love, like the empowering anthology Family Affair: What It Means To Be African American Today, has many ways of tickling the fancy. With his latest release, noted author and visionary Gil L Robertson, IV enlisted Ruby Dee, Isaiah Washington, Victoria Rowell, Cathy Hughes, the late Isaac Hayes, and hosts of everyday folk to provide a heart wrenching mirror into the ways of Black folk.

With the multitude of misconceptions and historic stereotypes surrounding Black identity, why unpack such a weighty topic many fear confronting?

Identity, who we are and our purpose, is the most compelling subject of our lives. I felt it was time for the Black community to confront our issues, isms, and angst about identity as well as explore our experiences as people of African decent living in America. Family Affair is basically water cooler talk that each of us engage in every single day.

No matter what our level education or class background, we often fall into the trappings of placing social hierarchies within our community. However, your collection seems geared toward everyone. Who was your intended audience?

From the corporate exec to Pookie in Bankhead, I made a concerted effort to include essays and experience that mom, dad, sister, cousin, and grandma could relate to and identify with.

While many site the waning influence of elders and grandmas on future generations, the black family has been troubled post civil rights. What effect did integration have on the structure of the black family?

Integration has not been the greatest social experiment for African Americans. Post integration, we lost that connectivity that made us great. And we are paying for that today. I am of the opinion, and will probably always be, that we were much better off when all of us, rich, middle, class, and poor, lived in the same four city blocks. We were able to feed of one another and provide examples of who we really are. I grew up in a black middle class neighborhood where I was constantly infused with positive examples of what being black was all about. I had options and support to pursue my dreams and passions.

As we have assimilated into larger American life, we lost things that made us special and unique as a community. The relationships we once had with grandparents and great parents, where four generations all lived together in close proximity, were connected in a real substantive way.

Hopefully, Family Affair will serve as a reminder to people …I love being black …I love the pain, hardship, joy, and triumph of who we are. Any success I have is owed to me remaining close to the core of the Black community.

Your book pulls no punches. Critiques wrapped in love are essential to the continued to development of black folks. Why are folks so sensitive when it comes to accepting feedback and guidance?

Black people are much too sensitive and need to get over it. Quite honestly, when I ask for someone’s opinion I am looking for their criticism. I already know what is good about what I do; therefore, I work to always get better. The only way to become better is to know your short comings. It is essential we deliver critiques, stinging if necessary, but we must receive them in a positive way.

Modern day love is a troubled proposition. How to deal we heal the riffs in our relationships and began to instill a value system of unity like our Grandparents did?

We are lost. We feel because we have a Black President and more of us are middle class that we are at the point of arrival. But in fact, I think we are at a critical juncture in our development. It’s so secret. All you have you to do is survey people walking around any major city, and it is clear black women and men are not connecting. We have allowed mistrust to creep into our relationships and cloud our opinions and beliefs about one another.

Historically, the relationship between black women and men has always been tenuous. At the ultimate assault of their manhood black men had to sit back and watch their women forcibly taken by the white slave master. In our community the man has never really been allowed to lead. The black woman became the breadwinner by necessity. If you look at the welfare examples, in order to qualify for support the black men’s presence had to be diminished.

With Family Affair we want to remind people that black love is very real and possible to achieve. The essays underscore the fact people want passionate, loving, and supportive relationships.

The age of Obama has expanded the idea of what a “Black” leader means. What are some character tics that should now define our community leaders?

To be leader is a simple thing…being true to and remaining true to your value and beliefs. I think a “Black” leader is someone who is true to themselves first. It can be anyone from a brother in the hood to Dick Parsons. Ultimately, our leaders have to be comfortable in their own skin and have a healthy identity that fosters a greater sense of self love to build the community. My foray into children’s literature, 21^st Century African American Politicians, will spotlight a new generation of leaders.

How do expect this work to be treated 10 years for now?

I hope people turn to it as a source of inspiration and pride. Like a Marvin Gaye album, I anticipate people reading the essays over and over again.

Award winning writer, educator, counselor, and activist Edward M. Garnes, Jr. is the founder of From Afros to Shelltoes: Art, Action, and Conversation, a nationally acclaimed series of cultural productions confronting the social divide between elders and hip hop heads. The 2009 Atlanta Tribune Men Of Distinction holds a B.A. in English Writing from DePauw University and a M.A. in Counseling from Michigan State University . His seminal essay, ” Sweet Tea Ethics: Black Luv, Healthcare, and Cultural Mistrust,” currently appears in Not In My Family: AIDS in the African American Community, a 2007 NAACP Image Award nominated collection edited by Gil Robertson. (www.afrostoshelltoes.com).

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