Comments on: Ask Ed & Sugar:Facebook Killed My Relationship

By: Twanda

Twanda — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:22:37 +0000

I don’t agree that Facebook in and of itself can ruin or doom a relationship. However fb is horrible about keeping secrets and hiding dirt. If you have a play play attitude towards relationships, fb will call you out in a hot minute! If you have something to hide then yeah, keep your woman off your friends list lest she discover your skeletons.

On the other hand, I believe the best relationships have a strong friendship foundation. Honesty, trust and sharing are just a few important features of a mature relationship. Being able to fb friend your girlfriend and allow her to see your status updates and responses from friends on your wall gives her a good view of who you are and how you interact with people. If you need to hide your true self then maybe you don’t need to be in a relationship.

Lastly, I’m a strong supporter of Facebook’s privacy settings. Only give selected people access to your business and remove people from your list as necessary.

By: Cassandra

Cassandra — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 16:51:12 +0000

My ex left me for a bitch on Facebook

By: Donjanea

Donjanea — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:15:12 +0000

This question reminds me a play I saw a few weeks ago called “Episodes In Sexuality” which the students at my school do annually. “Episodes” is aimed at looking at the nature of relationships including sexual ones and educating students on staying safe – sexually. Anyway, Episodes consists of several skits and one this year was called “It’s Not Official Until It’s on Facebook”. As the title implies, it was about a couple and the women was upset because the guy’s facebook status hadn’t changed to “in a relationship”. The question this guy poses seems to me like life imitating art to me or maybe the art is reflecting what’s happening in life.

Either way, when I saw the play, it made me think how the internet has changed the whole way we think of relationships and behave in them. People should not base someone’s love for them off what an online relationship status says. As both Ed and Sugar touched on, this is a sign of insecurity on behalf of this female and sites like Facebook only drive someone who is insecure to the edge. So, perhaps the guy should take down his Facebook, but then I also think there is a bigger issue here which is

THE LACK OF TRUST IN THIS RELATIONSHIP!

I think that should be the bigger issue for them to deal with rather than taking down the face book. I say this because that’s the root of the issue. A person who is insecure will have trust issues no matter what. Today, it’s facebook and tomorrow it could be him not having several pictures of her in his wallet or telling anyone when he first meets them that he has a girlfriend.

That’s my take…

By: Mrs. Nobody

Mrs. Nobody — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 18:29:41 +0000

Well, if your 100% committed to her, by all means. Now if your not 100% committed to her, she just opened a can of worms that you cant close back up…. unless you close out Facebook!

By: angelove

angelove — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 02:21:29 +0000

As always you boys are on pizzoint! Myspace ruined my relationship. Virtual crap. My man, yes was insecure. I have lived and learned.
Just like what you said Ed.. my mom told me too. Don’t write anything down that you don’t want published on the cover of the NY Times.
Word.
Again, Kudos on all your points. I miss you guys! Holla!
Stay Educated* I know you will..
:-p

By: Jaali

Jaali — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 00:06:35 +0000

( i love yall! )

This is great. Unfortunately, I know ALL about Facebook drama. And it wasnt me- it was friends who “saw a picture of _________ and some girl and thought I should see it”. Drama. Yeah, we ended up ending it, but I surely didnt need Facebook for that! I agree with you both- lock down those privacy options and get you a secure mate! And we do have to keep in mind that Facebook is a SOCIAL network. People want to know what youre doing, and you have control of how much you let them in…

By: Preston

Preston — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:40:43 +0000

Great post. I opined about the effects that ALL of the latest social media has on relationships on my site just a couple of days ago. I completely agree with you. Facebook, Twitter and whatever else — you’ll usually be happier if you keep it separate. It’s funny, twitter provides words, but no pictures and facebook provides pictures but no real context. Neither is good for a relationship…

peace & love,

Pres

By: Tameka L.

Tameka L. — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 00:41:21 +0000

Facebook is all about what YOU make it. It can be a place where you catch up with folk from your neighborhood from the 80s, an alumni “memories” spot, a place to find your “boos” from the past, a place where Hell can break lose because you tryin’ to be a playa but putting you business all in the streets while you add all your present and past “Kickin’ it partners”, or much more! If your relationship is killed by it, that was your choice, not facebook.

By: Topics about Elders » Ask Ed & Sugar:Facebook Killed My Relationship

Topics about Elders » Ask Ed & Sugar:Facebook Killed My Relationship — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 21:38:47 +0000

[...] Mindstorm placed an observative post today on Ask Ed & Sugar:Facebook Killed My RelationshipHere’s a quick excerpt…relationship is cool, there is no need to fix … Facebook or not, mutual respect and recognizing … confronting the social divide between [...]

By: Sheila

Sheila — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:02:34 +0000

I guess I am coming from a different perspective because I am married, and I don’t have any negative friends that I have to worry about crapping on any kind of parade. Being married (and not just using the married option because you and the boo are SOOOO close y’all might as well be married….PLEASE!) means you probably aren’t going to jump from that status to single over and over. Also, having friends who are supportive of you no matter what should understand your personality enough to not overreact and further inflame any ‘emergencies’ that may come up on facebook. One thing I will say does happen is that friends might start getting jealous of other friends as people try to deduce their worth and place in your life based on how many events you do with them and/or how many pictures you have of them in your photo album. THAT I have come across and those immature people should have noticed by now that I have talked to them FAR less than before.

By: NLB

NLB — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 16:56:17 +0000

I forgot to add.. Sugar I agree with you about the options.. as in PRIVACY settings.. A lot of the drama can be avoided, it you set your options accordingly.. And I have to admit, I love fb options because you can put folks on limited access, or individualize it as you see fit!

I once had a fb (female) friend, send me a list of guys that we had in common as mutual friends (not the female ones, just the male ones), demanding to know how I knew them, and she sent them the same message (I guess to see if our stories were straight).. In other words ole girl was policing my fb page (WTH??).. Well instead of choosing to delete her, I politely changed her options on my page.. Not only can she NOT view my friends at all, but she can’t even see my postings or status’ of any sort.. but we are still fb friends though..ROFL!!.. Gotta love fb privacy settings!!

By: Tia S

Tia S — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 16:52:44 +0000

I agree w/u both!! I love it! Funny comments too

By: Mali

Mali — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 16:28:41 +0000

Looks like to me you still wanna have your cake and eat it too. Facebook keeps everyone interconnected and that leaves you vulnerable if your already talking to other woman on FB. Try being honest with her and see what happens. Is it maybe your not feeling her as much as she is feeling you? Are you getting Cabin Fever and now wish to see if the grass is greener on the other side. What makes her special to you. If you don’t want her to be your main woman, cut her loose and allow her to find her knight in shinning armour.