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Stuck On Stupid:Rihanna Chris Brown And Politics Of Denial

1 March 2009 8 Comments

Ask Ed & Sugar

After all this hoopla with Chris Brown and Rihanna, I hear they are back together again. Is this a case of undeniable forgiveness or have they lost their minds?

Sheila, Durham, NC

Rhianna Reconciles http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2009-03-01-rihanna-brown-miami_N.htm

Ed Garnes & Sugar Johnson have tirelessly worked to redefine manhood and have actively engaged in anti violence movements as part of national think thanks and alliances with the National Urban League, 21st Century Foundation, and Raleigh North Carolina’s Teen Fest. Please contact our friends Dick Bathrick, Ulester Douglass, and Sulaiman Nuriddin @ Men Stopping Violence (http://www.menstoppingviolence.org ) and tell em’ From Afros To Shelltoes sent ya!!!!

Sugar’s Take

Well, this is a very sticky situation in my book. I’m sure there is some kind of love there, but if those pictures are real (and I believe they are) it’s gonna take more than gifts and kisses to heal those wounds. I personally know women that stay with, or get back together with, men that are abusive and it VERY rarely ends up being a sound decision.

People learn mostly from repeated cause and effect behavior. So if Rihanna’s actions are telling Chris Brown that he can allegedly hit her, and she stays with him, there is nothing that tells him his behavior needs to change. In other words, Rihanna is telling Chris Brown, “Go head, slap me and I’ll keep loving you. I’ll still be here.” Side note, I wonder why everyone uses his whole name…or why I feel the need to.

On another note, I want to address something that is a bit more controversial. Women that think it’s okay to “see how far you can push your man” are not doing yourselves a good service. That is not healthy. If you feel like you need to make your man angry (sometimes to the point of violence) to get his attention then there needs to be some serious soul searching done to deal with that. You might end up with some pictures of your own. And I’m not talking about the ones with the wicker chair at the club.

To answer your question bluntly, they have both lost their minds. What they are doing is not sending a good message to any person in a similar situation. And I hope Puffy is hookin’ them up with some counseling to go with that house. Yeah, I said Puffy…I’m old enough.

Ed’s Take

People pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it very simply; by the lives they lead.–James Baldwin

High profile abuse aint no new thing. Back in the day, revered writer and cultural icon Pearl Cleage gave a the proverbial middle finger to a jazz god in Mad At Miles, a biting assessment of not only Miles Davis’ treatment of women, but also the deep psychological wounds of violence and it’s underappreciated effect on self esteem and personal agency. Davis’ rocky marriage to respected actress Cicely Tyson–for much of 80′s– was typified by abuse and beat down. Cleage’s work could serve as the perfect primer for Rihanna’s debilitating dilemmas.

While Brown and Rihanna play house with hopes of becoming the new school Ike & Tina, TMZ’s decision to post photos of the attack is the kind of decision that can get someone killed. This case has larger implications than a tiff between superstars. The greatest disservice of posting the dooming photo was compromising the legal rights of domestic violence victims globally. Why? Because of the millions of women who may have been silenced for fear of public ridicule, retaliation from abusers, and violations of privacy acts by overzealous media hounds. What if the public scrutiny and media frenzy pushed Rihanna back in the arms of her ALLEGED attacker? What if other women stay in abusive relationships because of media’s sick need to profit off of pain? Often times, it’s not the face of an international superstar on the receiving end of blunt force trauma…it’s the mother, sista, or play cousin of everyday people.

Like many couples in denial, Chris Brown and Rihanna are accustomed to dysfunction. Violence, drama, and disrespect are so woven into the fabric of their bond turmoil has become normal functioning. To them, the absurd seems normal and the normal; absurd. My heart is heavy. I cram to understand why the adults in their lives have not put them in check and restored some semblance of reality. Where is a good southern grandma cussin’ out when u need it? Where are the counselors? Where is the tough love? Where are the spiritual shout outs?

If Brown did indeed lay the smack down, his actions are reprehensible to the nth degree. And what did he learn, that if you prey on a woman’s vulnerability, shower her with bling, garner public sympathy, and orchestrate media friendly damage control… you can get your mate back guilt free.

[end_columns]

Got a question; email us askedandsugar@afrostoshelltoes.com!!!

Between catching the uptown train to conduct “we luv the kids” writing workshops to dancing rumba on the lower eastside, Sugar Johnson flaunts his creative freedom in various mediums. The actor, vocalist, and educator have not only shared the stage with prolific artists such as The Last Poets, M-1 of Dead Prez, Jessica Care Moore, and Spike Lee, but he also labors to cultivate the forgotten souls of Rikers Island. Johnson made his film debut in Dave Chappelle’s Block Party. The ASCAP member holds a B.A. in Mathematics from DePauw University and will release the poetry collection Food Clothes and Shelter on his imprint Home Grown Publishing, LLC in 2008.

Award winning writer, educator, counselor, and activist Edward M. Garnes, Jr. is the founder of From Afros to Shelltoes: Art, Action, and Conversation, a nationally acclaimed series of cultural productions confronting the social divide between elders and hip hop heads, and holds a B.A. in English Writing from DePauw University and a M.A. in Counseling from Michigan State University . His seminal essay, ” Sweet Tea Ethics: Black Luv, Healthcare, and Cultural Mistrust,” currently appears in Not In My Family: AIDS in the African American Community, a 2007 NAACP Image Award nominated collection edited by Gil Robertson. (www.afrostoshelltoes.com).

8 Comments »

Dana said:

Dust ya shoulder’s off sir Ed and Sugar..Well done!!!!

# 1 March 2009 at 6:31 pm

Jon Goode said:

The crazy thing about this story is no one is 100% sure of what happened. We pretty much know that Chris whipped Rhianna’s ass and most of that evidence comes from his actions afterwards, the apology he issued, his seeking counseling (not professional counseling mind you but counsel from family and friends), and now he’s taking anger management courses. Now there is no excuse for him hitting her or for any man to ever hit a woman but I’ve heard there is a history of abuse in this relationship going the other way ie Rhianna constantly hitting and slapping Chris which if true should have prompted him leave way before he lost control. If not true and he just snapped off and went up side her head then like they say in What’s Love Got To Do With It “You only got to hit me once Ike,” and Rhianna should be long gone. But the heart is a tricky thing and people can convince themselves of all kinds of $#!T. I pray they both find a healing whether it be together or seperately and that a valuable and important life lesson is learned that they can take forward.

# 2 March 2009 at 11:43 am

Gus Mayweather said:

I like the connection between Miles Davis and the current situation with Chris and Rihanna. I can call him Chris, right Sugar? Good job guys.

-Gus

# 2 March 2009 at 12:55 pm

RMDH (real men don't hit) said:

I always like to believe in the possibility of reconciliation, however, in order for things to truly mend properly, I do feel time apart (and not 2 weeks) is definitely needed. Most importantly is the message that is being sent to public. Unfortunately, so many women who are in the same predicament will most likely use this as an excuse to stay in abusive relationships. I’m saddened when I think of a conversation I recently had with a high school student. In talking about her boyfriend, she said “he ‘just’ pulls my hair” or “he pushed me down the stairs, but it was only about four or five”, as she laughed it off. Chrihanna will just give this young girl, and so many others like her to down play situations like this. I can really see Chris Brown’s people jumping on this, by trying to show that Rihanna has forgiven him and moved on, and so should we. FOOLS IN LOVE!

# 3 March 2009 at 1:41 am

purpledaisee said:

I agree with Jon Goode.

I feel sorry for these two young people. Perhaps they have not yet learned about respect. Respect on both sides. I have no clue as to what went down in this situation. I wasn’t there, but regardless…. Rihanna has to have enough respect for herself and her person to say “no more, never again” and mean it. Chris needs to have enough respect for his manhood and reputation to say the same. It has happened. Nothing can alter the events at that point.

However, having been the cousin, friend or sister girl who came in the middle of the night (usually Friday night late) to pick up a sister girl friend whose man has beat her down —- to both of them… If there is true real love here, this could not have gone down.

It’s unfortunate but for the younger generation, Rihanna and Chris are the modern day Tina and Ike.

# 4 March 2009 at 11:20 am