Our society allows people to be absolutely neurotic and totally out of touch with their feelings and everyone else’s feelings, and yet be very respectable.-Ntozake Shange

Give a camera to a notorious rebel hell bent on reframing womanhood and black cultural production, and the end result is the left of center wonderland orchestrated by lens master/wordsmith Carla Aaron-Lopez.  The sassy sista has an opinion on everything from outlandish gas prices to the trite themes watering down hip hop. So much so;  that I had to share her heady response to our column Ask Ed & Sugar: Do Women Own Their Issues? Peep our exclusive rap session on crybabies, self hating Negroes gone wild, and third wave feminism.

What motivated your impassioned response to our column on black women owning their issues?

The column and the question made me laugh. Period. On one hand, here is an unappreciated man that’s asking if he should stay in his relationship. On the other hand is a woman that has clearly lost her mind by not supporting her hard-working man. It’s obvious he is supporting her in all her endeavors. I believe that women should start owning to their issues. We, as in all people, races and sexes, let situations, things and people influence us so harshly that I fear everybody is just sensitive. Majority of men seem to be crybabies and majority of women have created “self-hating” issues for themselves. Problems work 50/50. Sometimes, it’s your fault and sometimes, it’s my fault. I need to own up to you, a man, and apologize and realize if I’m really trippin’. I be trippin’. Straight up. I’m a girl. I will trip. As a man, you should be man enough to tell me that if we’re having problems and it’s my fault. “Girl, stop! You trippin’!” Haha! Women seem troubled to me these days. It’s as if because we’ve been able to come into more power recently, we’re mishandling that power instead of using it to our advantage as women. But even this makes me wonder. It took man a long time to accept the consequences and repercussions that come with power. I believe that it will take women a while as well. We’re in this for the long haul. No longer are their days of happy housewives being faithful to the home (unless you’re well off as a desperate housewife). On my level, everybody is broke. We ALL got to go to work to pay the bills. Accept that. Our problems are getting bigger by the day and if someone is so interested in having a significant other, then it’s time to start really looking in ourselves and assess our problems to have a strong relationship as possible.

Photo Credit Carla Aaron Lopez

Do you feel that gender discussions with black folks are often framed from black men’s failures as opposed to a fair and balanced assessment of everyone’s issues?

I don’t believe that any man, black or white, has failed at anything. I think there has been a horrible breakdown in communication. I’m victim of it, too. I’m not going to sit here and blame everybody when I got my own special problems. I think everyone has got to realize that in 2008… WE ALL GOT PROBLEMS. NO ONE IS EXEMPT from that. At all. First of all, nobody is that perfect or sane to not have issues, problems and/or idiosyncrasies. Everybody needs to get real. Seriously. Black men and women in particular. Dude, you may not be that fantastic of man. And girl, you need to get a grip on reality. Not every black man is a failure. Not every black women is looking for a prized, money-making husband or man. If we continue to perpetuate a black man’s failures, then how can you create and/or support his ability to succeed if you constantly concentrate on his failure? I wish that one day everybody will wake up and realize the bullshit we put ourselves through. It’s so much, it’s ridiculous. If we are all our own microcosms of the universe then you allow what you want in your life. If you accept a bunch of crap, you’ll deal with a bunch of crap. If you guide your life according to how you want it to be, you’ll see/get what you want most out of the time you’ve spent here on Earth with us. I hope, though, that you’ll have the ability to see through the bullshit while doing this.

You frequently offer a left of center view of modern day womanhood in your art and personal life.  Explain your identification as a third wave feminist.

Third wave feminism covers more than just embracing power as a woman. I believe that it’s time for women to start taking responsibility for their actions. I believe they should study the notions of power and knowledge of men and create their own system for such. I believe that women should have the ability to express their sexual freedom while understand with this expression comes responsibility. As an artist, I do take the liberty in expressing everything about myself from being happy, sad, sexual, angry, hurt, etc. I believe that in order for us all to move on into the future we must study our past. I cannot say that I am a textbook Americanized definition of normal. I believe that I am so much more and would love the chance to empower women. We are broken socially and emotionally. I believe we can create our own definitions of womanhood as long as we have proper morals and ethics to do so. I’m scared that women do not love themselves enough these days to appreciate how special they are. All I hope is that one day, a woman that is culturally different from me will be able to accept me as her sister instead of her enemy. It’s too much woman-bashing within women and it’s way too much “man-hating” within women. There are good people and their are bad people. I do not believe that every man is evil or chauvinistic.

Love today is quite different than our grandparents heyday.  What is your definition of a healthy relationship?

I’ve speaking truth this entire time and all I have left to say is communication. I know I still have my fair share of communicating to learn when I’m in a relationship but every time I do… it works out for the better in more ways than one. Ha! That was dirty in my mind. Communicate how you feel, what you agree or disagree, what you want sexually, financially and mentally. You can’t read my mind and I can’t read yours. I’ve got to open my mouth and talk and compromise in my relationships. If it ends, sobeit. Some relationships aren’t supposed to last forever. Some are learning experiences and some are trial/error experiences. But you’ll never realize any of these things if you don’t open up and talk it out. You might end up fighting it out and calling a woman a bitch if she doesn’t deserve it or a man an asshole if he doesn’t deserve it. We both can drive each other crazy. Make love, not war. There’s something to that clichéd statement. Think about it. You’ll feel better after that nut.