People always focus on the dirt brothers do. How can you tell when your women is cheatin’?

–Andrew, St Louis, MO

1) Constantly Checking Up On You

Sugar’s Take: Your women wakes you up to ask you about sistas’ names in your phone. She asks way too many questions when in the company of other women and throws a grown up tantrum (i.e. text wars and repetitive phone calls after she storms out)…or always wanting to know who you’re on the phone with…when you KNOW you can’t ask her that without at least an evil stare… if not cussed out.

Ed’s Take: My grandma always said “ a hit dog will holla.” Translation: Guilty people often tell on themselves. If your women is questioning your every move, constantly accusing you of sleeping around, and exhibits behavior that reeks of insecurity, she may be hiding her own demons. This usually works because men usually feel guilty about something and panic as opposed to thinking their mate just may be projecting her cheating ways on to them.

2) She Is A Social Networking Guru (i.e facebook, myspace, lipstickalley, etc.)

Sugar’s Take: Any person that needs to create a virtual alternate self that’s totally opposite to who they really are might need a hug…y’all know summa dem profiles ain’t real!!!

Ed’s Take: If your women has a myspace profile entitled hotchocolate404, lists herself as a single swinger who enjoys Zane novels, or is on facebook claiming to be Ph.D. is psychology, and she aint event got a degree, a red flag should be thrown. Cheating has gone high-tech as sistas are getting their emotional needs– and sometimes physical– met by creating alternative personalities…(some folks don’t think that’s cheatin’)

3) Cell Phone Minutes Equal To Russell Simmons

Sugar’s Take : If you and I are in the house, after bout 10 o’clock, who in the hell are you talkin’ to?

Ed’s Take: Side conversations in bathroom, taking calls in the other room, leaving the table while out at dinner to supposedly chat with “Mom” are all signs of shady behavior. Also, if your women has a new found interest in text messaging like she works as Sean “Diddy” Combs’ personal assistant, keep your eyes open.

4) New Hairdo, Clothes, and Underwear That You Never See

Sugar’s Take :A new hairdo is the symbol of a new man and if you ain’t seeing her in new clothes or underwear you gave her the money for, only the dispatch in Houston can help you.

Ed’s Take : If your mate has traded in her “granny panties” for thongs, her payless shoes for Steve Madden, has new found interest in MAC cosmetics—and she never wears makeup– and keeps a overnight bag of clothes you have never seen stashed in her trunk, you are officially sharing your lady with another suitor.

5) Random Apple Martini Nights With Keysha n’em

Sugar’s Take: If Keysha is her cool, down home, attached friend then at the worst 2 people may be gettin cheated on, but if Keysha is the unattached, party-all-the-time-friend…like I said before…Houston…we have a problem.

Ed’s Take : Suddenly, your homebody mate has new found interest in hanging with Keysha, chases down every martini night in Atl, and chooses to spend all of her weekend time with her homegirls. And if she aint complained about yall spending quality time in over 10 days, her and Victoria have a secret.

Got a question; email us at askedandsugar@afrostoshelltoes.com

About Sugar Between catching the uptown train to conduct “we luv the kids” writing workshops to dancing rumba on the lower eastside, Sugar Johnson flaunts his creative freedom in various mediums. The actor, vocalist, and educator have not only shared the stage with prolific artists such as The Last Poets, M-1 of Dead Prez, Jessica Care Moore, and Spike Lee, but he also labors to cultivate the forgotten souls of Rikers Island. Johnson made his film debut in Dave Chappelle’s Block Party. The ASCAP member holds a B.A. in Mathematics from DePauw University and will release the poetry collection Food Clothes and Shelter on his imprint Home Grown Publishing, LLC in 2008.

About Ed Award winning writer, educator, counselor, and activist Edward M. Garnes, Jr. is the founder of From Afros to Shelltoes: Art, Action, and Conversation, a nationally acclaimed series of cultural productions confronting the social divide between elders and hip hop heads, and holds a B.A. in English Writing from DePauw University and a M.A. in Counseling from Michigan State University . His seminal essay, ” Sweet Tea Ethics: Black Luv, Healthcare, and Cultural Mistrust,” currently appears in Not In My Family: AIDS in the African American Community, a 2007 NAACP Image Award nominated collection edited by Gil Robertson. (www.afrostoshelltoes.com).

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